Buntie makes matches
by Avilia
Summary: Buntie Brosca Warden-Commander of Ferelden decides her Grey Wardens need company.  Nothing quite goes to plan. Brosca/Anders/Nathaniel.  Rated M


"We need to find you two a woman."

"That sounds good to me! I'd like one of my own though. No offence Howe."

Nathaniel sighed but didn't bother answering either of them.

"You're both so cranky, what you need is a good."

"Commander! Please."

"No need to ask, I've offered." Buntie squinted and looked them both over carefully. "I suppose you're not bad looking. For humans."

"You're too kind Commander." Anders coughed softly to prevent himself laughing at Howe's expression. The Commander might be a bit odd but she was very entertaining. "I'd like an elf. If you don't mind me saying?"

"An elf? Hmm."

"Light hair? About this tall." He held his hand out. "Wouldn't mind if she was a mage as well. If you can do that, I'll love you forever."

"Any particular kind of mage?" Buntie knew when she was being made fun of.

"No, no. Oh! Not a maleficar. Other than that, I'm not fussy."

"Noted." Crossing her arms she looked at Nathaniel. "Well? What are your requirements in a female?"

"I don't think this is appropriate Commander."

"Ah. I see. Prefer a man would you?"

"Andraste's blood woman!" Nate frowned when Anders elbowed him. "What?"

"Like that is it? Explains a lot."

"It isn't like that and it doesn't explain anything."

"Tell us then Nathaniel, unless its a secret?"

"No, its not a secret, I just don't think its appropriate for us to be discussing this."

"You know, you're very picky for someone who broke in here to kill me. Wasn't that inappropriate too?"

"I thought so at the time, now I'm not so sure."

"Haha! That's the spirit Howe!" Anders elbowed Nate again, just because it annoyed him so much. "Now tell us what kind of women you like."

"Will you give me some peace if I do?"

"Promise. On Andraste's ashes!"

"Fine." They both looked at him expectantly. "All kinds."

"All?"

"All."

"You dog Nathaniel." Buntie leaned forward and slapped his arm. "I knew you had it in you! You're a rogue after all."

"What's that got to do with anything? No, never mind I don't think I want to know." Her nose wrinkled. She probably thought he was a prude now. "Oh, and I don't mind sharing." Leaving them gaping he walked away.

"He was teasing." Buntie frowned up at Anders who shook his head. "You don't think. No. Not Nathaniel."

"Definitely teasing."

. . .

"Am I allowed to go?"

"Of course. When the Warden Commander of Ferelden asks for help we can't say no. We owe her and her Order a great debt." Greagoir paused, then pushed the scroll across his desk. "I'll send two Templars with you. They will leave you at the Keep and wait for you in Amaranthine."

"Yes ser."

"Do not even consider trying to run away."

"No ser."

"Take the note girl." He waited until she had before continuing. "The Commander asked for you specifically. You should be flattered."

"Me? But I don't know any Grey Wardens."

"No. Which is why I'm curious as to why she wanted you." Greagoir frowned. "She didn't know your name which is odd, but did describe you quite well. Including those ridiculous ears you used to wear."

. . .

"Lilybet?" Buntie took the note from the mage. "Welcome to the Vigil."

"Thank you Commander." A dwarf? Lilybet had never met a dwarf before. Well except for Dagna. But she wasn't really a dwarf any more was she? "The Knight-Commander said you need my help?"

"Yes, yes I do." Buntie hadn't quite worked out what she needed Lilybet for. "I have a mage here already but he's not suitable for what I need."

"A mage? Here?" Lilybet looked when the Commander pointed. "Oh."

"Do you know Anders?"

"Oh, yes. We've. Um. Met." He dipped his head and she waved. "I should say hello!"

As soon as Lilybet was half way across the hall, Buntie sidled around the edge to Nathaniel.

"Well?"

Nate crossed his arms. "She bounces."

"So she's a little enthusiastic, nothing wrong with that."

"Bounces, Commander."

"What's wrong with bouncing?"

"It seems a little, frivolous."

"Has anyone ever told you what a sour puss you are?"

"Often." Nate looked down at Buntie and saw she was staring at Anders. He grinned then frowned when she looked up at him.

"Anders might like bouncing. He's not like you."

"No."

"Just because you don't like bouncing, doesn't mean he won't."

"I didn't say I didn't like it."

"You said it was frivolous."

"It is."

"You said." Buntie growled. "Velanna was right, you are exasperating!" With that she stomped off to watch Anders from the other side of the hall.

. . .

"So?"

Anders looked down. "So?"

"Well?"

"Well?"

"Oh, don't you start that with me mage! The elf!"

"Ah."

Buntie frowned when he bent down and kissed the top of her head. "Don't you flirt with me."

"That's a thank you for the thought." He smiled when she blushed. "Wrong elf however."

"Wrong? Cursed luck."

"Good try though. Very good. How did you manage to convince Greagoir to let her leave the Tower?"

"Oh, he owes me a favour." She waved that away. "Tell me more about this elf of yours."

"Not much to tell."

"She's a mage you said? Is she at the Tower?"

"Nosey aren't you? Or is that personal interest?"

"You're starting to annoy me Anders, you and Nathaniel. Do you know what he said about that nice Lilybet? That she was frivolous!"

"Really?" Pretending to consider that Anders nodded. "Didn't stop him bedding her before she left I noticed."

"He. What! I'll." Growling in frustration Buntie tried to think of a suitable punishment. "He'll be sorry he crossed me! Men have died for less."

. . .

"She's cackling."

"I noticed."

"She's cackling at you."

"I noticed that too."

"I'm standing over there until she stops. Just in case, you know. I'm sure you understand."

"Coward."

. . .

"Who?"

"The Warden-Commander. I was invited." Lowri hooked her hand over the strap on her armour and waited. The Shem would want to make sure she wasn't here to steal something. Or kill someone. Or perhaps just to breath the same air as he did.

"What's your name then elf?"

"Lowri." He didn't move. "I'll wait here while you ask Buntie if she's expecting me shall I?"

That gave him a second's pause. The grubby Dalish knew the Commander's name. "Go in then. Go on."

Lowri refused to let him upset her. Life was full of enough problems without making more.

Walking in the direction he'd pointed, she found herself at a large gate guarded by a lone female human. "I'm here for the Commander."

"Yes ser. Just in here and up to the right."

"Thank you." Dipping her head she stepped into the darkened hallway.

. . .

Anders wondered if the Commander would stop cackling soon. It was becoming a little, disturbing. "You'll have people thinking you're mad."

"Heh." Soon she'd be doing more than cackling "Soon."

"Er." He took a discreet step away. "Of course."

"Oh stop that. I'm not mad, just angry."

"If you say so deary."

Buntie was about to reply with something insulting when the side door opened. "Ah! Finally."

"Finally?" He followed her gaze to the door. "Holy Maker."

"Not for you! Hands off you understand me mage?"

"What?"

Giving that up for now, Buntie went to greet her friend. "Lowri! You're here."

"As you see." Lowri submitted to being hugged and patted. "You look well. I'd heard there were Darkspawn about."

"Oh there are. Were. We killed most of them I think."

"I'm glad to hear it. The smell alone would drive me away."

"Not you too! Sigrun does nothing but talk about how bad they smell. She's obviously never been to Tapsters."

"Perhaps not." Good to see Buntie hadn't changed. Still said things that were completely incomprehensible. "I'm here at your request my friend, you said you needed my help?"

"Yes, yes." Nodding towards the far end of the hall she lowered her voice. "You see that human down there? Dark hair and smug expression?"

"Yes."

"I want you to make him fall in love with you."

"Any particular reason or just feeling mean?"

"Mean?"

"Mean Buntie. Unless he's done something particularly vile, I'm about to refuse to help you hurt him."

"But. He's human."

"I see that."

"Bah."

"What did he do?"

"Nathaniel Howe is his name." Anders knew when not to use charm. "His crime was enjoying the company of a young lady the Commander had earmarked for me."

"Matchmaking Buntie? Wasn't last time enough?"

"It might have worked out. It wasn't my fault Cammen, did, that thing he did."

"True." Lowri studied the man, Nathaniel Howe, the mage had said. "Why would you think he'd love me? He's clearly a noble."

"Why wouldn't he?" He wished he'd kept quiet the moment it was said. She'd no doubt scowl at him or say something rude.

Lowri glanced up at the mage and grinned. "I don't mind a compliment from a human, as long as its sincere."

"Oh it was, believe me."

"I do." He seemed nice for a Shem. "Don't think that means I'll let you bed me."

"I'll try to bear up under the disappointment."

"I like you Shem. You're alright."

"But not enough to let me bed you?"

"Not nearly enough."

They grinned at each other and Buntie sighed. "Stop flirting and help me with Nate."

"Yes ma'am."

"Are we being nice to him now? Or still punishing for thwarting your schemes?"

"Hmpf. Nice I suppose. Anders didn't want Lilybet so I suppose Nate was allowed to bed her."

"He'll be relieved I'm sure."

"He certainly was."

Lowri glanced up at Anders and they both smirked.

"Oh stop it."

"Fine. Let's concentrate on our victim, er, friend."

They stood arms crossed and stared across the hall at Nate.

"He looks nervous."

"I'm not sure why. There's only three of us staring at him."

Nate shifted then frowned at them before turning to walk out of the main doors.

"Oh! He's an archer. You didn't tell me that."

"Changed your mind Lowri?"

"Pfft, no. Just archers." She shivered. "I'm finished now, let's get to the planning."

. . .

"You think?" Buntie rubbed her chin dubiously. "He liked that elf though."

"All human men like elves, it doesn't mean anything."

"Fond of ourself aren't we?"

"Shut it mage. You know its true. Didn't I hear you wanted an elf?"

"I'm hardly typical of anything."

"You're a human male aren't you?"

"I am a mage, in case it escaped your notice and also. Well never mind that. Just take my word for it, I'm not typical."

"Never mind all that. We'll fix Anders later."

"I wasn't aware I needed fixing?"

"Find you a woman. I told you I would."

"Ah. I see. Perhaps this would be a good time to tell you I'm."

"Shh. He's coming."

"You wanted to see me Commander?"

"Yes, yes I did." He looked at Lowri, so Buntie reluctantly introduced them.

"My lady."

Lowri blinked when he bowed, then to her absolute horror giggled. Where in the creators' name had that come from? Glancing around she saw Anders smirking at her and Buntie looking very disapproving.

"Er, sorry. Thought of something funny."

"Right." Buntie shoved Lowri behind her. "Nathaniel. I have a task for you."

. . .

"What were you thinking! Giggling like that. You know they like that, it makes them think things."

"Things?"

"Things! Things like how you'd look without that armour on."

"Oh, those things."

"Yes those things." Buntie narrowed her eyes and thought it over. "You'll have to go. We can't risk Nate getting distracted by you."

"I assure you I'm not going to let him be distracted!"

"You say that, you said that, and then what happened? You giggled. Giggled! Its like stripping off and saying 'take me now'."

"Er. I don't know that its quite that."

"It is. Trust me." Anders tried to look serious when she frowned at him. "Really. If you giggled like that when I spoke to you, well, let's just say I'd be a happier man than I am right now."

"I didn't mean to do it, it just happened. It was just so, well, you know. When he said that and then bowed. You know. I mean. Its just."

"Spit it out Lowri! What is it?"

"Hot. Its hot."

"Hmm. I must remember that." His breath shot out in a huff when Buntie smacked him in the stomach. "Hey!"

"Stop it. Now. I've sent him off to Denerim with a message for Anora. That should keep him away for a good while. Gives us time to get the girl here."


End file.
